style / mindset / simplicity
style / mindset / simplicity
Desire as a noun is a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. In verb form it means to strongly wish for or want (something).
I’ve spent much of my life shying away from the word ‘desire’. Somehow, a long time ago, I connected desire to sex. And not healthy sex, but instead, the idea of being an object of sexual desire. I’m not sure how or why I linked the two together, but I did. Whenever I thought about desire...it conjured a feeling of unwanted attention.
The things our minds turn into truths.
Sexuality aside, in doing the work of refining life for the next decade, I realized something crucial about the way I’d been operating for many years...
I rarely ever decided what I wanted. And I certainly never paid much attention to my desires.
Instead, I would become very clear on what I did not want or desire, but never finished the work to define what I DID desire.
Then I'd wonder why I never received what I wanted...only more of what I didn’t want. Go figure.
I’m thrilled to finally see things in a very different light.
I now realize that my desires matter.
In fact, if I don’t identify what I truly desire...the chance of me actually obtaining those things or realizing those dreams is pretty slight.
I’m stepping into what I want and naming it. And I’m not embarrassed by my desires (both sexual and otherwise:-)
So many of us spend years unhappy with the way things are. We become very clear on what we don’t want. We know we want things to be different. But we’re afraid to really look at what we want to be different. And if we do identify what we desire, we often dismiss it as just a pipe dream.
We don't dare to deeply desire something, because we've already decided our desires are impossible to attain.
We desire a new car, but currently can’t afford one.
We dream of a week spent at a luxury spa, but don’t have time right now.
We desire a different career, but feel we're too old to change our path.
So we stuff down the 'wants' and trudge along unhappily.
The beautiful part?
Changing this habit of not claiming our desires is profoundly simple.
1. Acknowledge that you haven’t actively decided what you desire. Realize that you might have absolutely zero idea of what you truly want. That's okay.
2. Carve out some time for a brainstorming session with yourself. Prepare to really listen to your very own heart.
3. With a notepad and pencil in hand, start writing. What do you truly desire? Different job, new house, more time for yourself, healthier body, more sleep, a romantic vacation...
4. Once you know what you desire, you can begin to move in the direction of realizing those dreams. If the 'thing' you desire is available to you now...go get it! If not, then do this...decide where you can begin today to capture the feeling of already having what you truly desire.
Maybe you can’t currently spend the day at an expensive spa, but you could dig out the bubble bath you received four Christmases ago, fill up the tub, light a candle, find some soothing spa music on iTunes and sink in.
Ahhh. The feeling will match the day-spa experience and your attitude will begin to shift.
I began putting this practice to work in my own life.
Here's an example...
I realized that I really miss traveling and I'm currently not planning any extravagant getaways. Instead of letting this immediate reality drag me down, I decided to find a way to feel like I was traveling today.
I purchased a 17oz jar of Marcona almonds from Costco for $15.
You see, when Matthew and I travel, we are masters of creating a delicious local dinner 'at home' in our Airbnb or hotel.
In Spain, those dinners always include Marcona almonds. By incorporating something that I associate with great travel into my home life, I'm able to feel the 'feeling' of what I desire (the freedom of travel) without leaving my house. And it's divine.
It's almost too simple, but so effective.
Go find your Marcona almonds.
What do you desire?
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